Thursday, March 24, 2011

Nater's Passive-Aggressive Portobello Chicken Recipe

Nater's Passive-Aggressive Portobello Chicken

Y'all better have these goods if you wanna play:

Medium Chicken Breasts (4 Boneless & Skinless)
Asparagus (8 ShockaZooloo Spears)
Yellow and Red Bell Peppers (1 Medium of Each)
Portobello Mushroom (1 Large Cap)
Minced Garlic (1 Teaspoon)
Light Mozzarella String Cheese (Two Sticks)
Creme of Mushroom Soup (Small Can)
Skim Milk (1 Cup)
Barbaric Meat Tenderizer

In preparation:  preheat oven to 375 degrees, spray small glass dish with cooking spray, cut the peppers and portobello mushroom caps into long strips, and then cut the asparagus in half.  Be sure to put on shoes comfortable for dancing. 

Now for the fun part, and the passive-aggressive portion or my recipe... pull out your meat tenderizer.  You can pick one up at your local torture chamber supply & rental shoppe (I got mine at Smith's for $6).  Use the teeth side, and just pound the hell out of the chicken, down to a 1/4 inch.  "Don't be scared, I've done this before.... show me your teeth!"  This action is not only to get out pent-up gym hostility and carb deprivation but its actually essential so that the chicken can be wrapped.  You can do this between two plastic sheets or wax paper, to minimizing the massacre. 

Sauté the the peppers, mushrooms, and asparagus in a skillet in medium heat with a tablespoon of extra virginous olive oil, (or EVOO as my friend Rachel Ray says) with a teaspoon of minced garlic.  To be honest, I triple the garlic but this all depends if you are eating alone or cooking to impress a hot date... I'd still triple it.  You can buy a 'lil jar of minced garlic in the produce section of any grocery store.  In a skillet on medium heat brown the garlic in the EVOO for about a minute before adding the veggies.  Sauté until veggies are 'al dente,' for those non parlare l'italiano, it literally means "to the tooth," wait, show me your teeth!?  But for all intensive purposes it mean 'slightly firm'... don't be naughty kids.  You can add salt and oregano, but I avoid the salt as I don't look so great rockin a 'sodium bloat.'  Let cool on a place for a couple secs.  

Divide the veggies evenly and roll up in the tender breasts *chicken, which now should roll easily as we breath easily with no more aggression, secure with two tooth picks.  As a staple I have 'Light Mozzarella String Cheese' in my fridge at all times, they are made with skim milk and only 60 calories each.  You can half one of these and insert as well, its optional but I definitely recommend.  Bake for 30 minutes at the 375 degrees, until chicken is no longer pink.  While chicken cooks, warm up a small can of Creme of Mushroom soup with one cup of skim milk on the stove top.  Bring to simmer, then put on Low while the chicken bakes.  You now have time to do some kitchen countertop dancing while you wait for the chickie to bake.  Please see my 'Stripper Cop' video on Facebook if you need inspiration.  

Ding!  De-toothpick these babies and cut on the diagonal, sheerly for aesthetic purposes only ;)  Ladle a wee amount of creme of mushroom sauce over chicken, remember we are being healthy - don't go crazy here kids.  If you make "Nater's Passive-Aggressive Portobello Chicken" please let me know what you think and take a photo for me, since I was apparently too hungry to manage to take a good shot.  You can serve with brown rice, but I tend to go lower on carbs if you have this for dinner.  Nom-Nom-Nom!!  And do me a favor... moan "Oh Nater" after your first bite!

One Serving is 395 Calories.  13g Fat, 11g Carbs, 50g Protein - you're welcome.


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